Dear church family,
It has been about three weeks since this one month sabbatical began. As a reminder, First Baptist Church provides me a three-month sabbatical every seven years. For various reasons it made sense for me to take my sabbatical in my eighth year, however the fires in January caused the Board of Deacons and I to pivot slightly and split sabbatical into one month in July and two months in January/February of 2026. This meant I would not be gone too long at one time given the unknown of the fires and their aftermath. So here we are, rounding the corner on this first stint of sabbatical.
Before I share some updates about my time, it might help to offer a primer on sabbatical more generally. Outside of the church and the academy, sabbatical is less familiar as a practice to many people. Taking its roots from the principles of sabbath, sabbatical is a time to regather the self, to feel the exhaustion that can lay hidden under busyness, and to tend any wounds that might have set in from the strange labor of spiritual leadership. It can be mistaken for a vacation, but I can assure you that my experience so far is vastly different from regular breaks I take throughout the year!
When folks asked me what I was anticipating about sabbatical, I jokingly said that I expected some sort of crash, a lot of emotions, and possibly some pain and grief. I can affirm that my experience has so far been challenging and unnerving. As John O’Donohue says in his blessing for one who is exhausted:
At first your thinking will darken
And sadness takes over like listless weather.
The flow of unwept tears will frighten you.
You have traveled too fast over false ground;
Now your soul has come to take you back.
In these weeks I am learning more about how much of my own humanity gets contained and constrained by the demands of my role as pastor. Don’t get me wrong, I love my vocation and feel deeply called to this work and our church specifically. But I have also had to acknowledge that my vocational identity can consume all other ways of being, and in the process of stepping back from my professional role for just a short season I have felt parts of myself that need tending, nourishment and repair.
Speaking of my various identities, my family has had a front row seat to my sabbatical restlessness, while themselves still fully embedded in regular rhythms of life. After a few weeks of pacing around and being ornery for no obvious reason, Corrie and I decided I should get out of town and see my folks in TX for a hard reset. Blessed with an emotionally healthy set of parents (with a trained therapist for a father to boot!), I finally got underneath the disquiet and found better footing for the remainder of sabbatical. Hitting the sauna daily with my Dad and brother didn’t hurt either!
Let me share what I am learning.
I have been integrating parts of myself that simply did not have space to heal when in the rush of work and crisis (fires, ICE raids, etc). Busyness can be a distraction when the soul needs to grow. Outside of my personal work, I have been able to get a larger perspective on our church in my sabbatical time. I will be returning with some renewed vision for our staff and our congregation. I like to say that when someone aligns one part of their life, the other parts tend to find their own alignment in response. Blessed with time and space to do my internal alignment and nourishment, I can feel my vocational clarity increasing and see the next steps for our church as we align with our core values and emerging opportunities.
Lastly, I have found some space to grieve. First the fires and then the disappearing of neighbors in ICE raids, my heart was simply broken and needed to weep. I’m grateful I had the space to feel that fully and release those tears. That said, it wasn’t all grueling emotional work during sabbatical. I have also been climbing a ton, learning some new music tools and reading books just for the joy of it.
I have missed you all immensely. My heart swells imagining those first Sundays back together with y’all. Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for your generosity. And thanks for the space to reflect. I am almost back, and as ready as ever!
Less without you (an understatement for sure),
(Pastor) John Jay
Judah, John Jay, Corrie and Ruthie Alvaro
